It is the lunch hour and once again I'm at my desk eating and updating the blog (along with working as needed). I pretty much nuke or prepare my lunch and eat while working.
I'm also trying my best to remain upbeat and positive while tolerating the environment here. I have to remember to be thankful to have a job in this economy. Almost like a mantra, I repeat those words. It's the only way sometimes to keep me from verbally expelling my frustration after 14 years of this negatively charged place.
I'm not built for the corporate world. I don't want to spend the rest of my life behind a computer screen sitting in a cubicle, putting up with corporate bureaucracy, co-worker gossip and customers' issues. I do my work well and I make sure it's done right but I don't feel passionate about it.
I will make the effort to finish college even though I seem child like in the inability to make a decision regarding my "career choice". Maybe I don't want a career. Funny how people when being introduced or seeing a friend or loved one again always ask "what do you do?". What does what I do have anything to do with who I am?
I have a dream of running a bed and breakfast in the mountains of Tennessee or North Carolina. A place where I could do what I love most and that's taking care of people, gardening, home keeping, cooking and spending time with family. Just sounds so untouchable to me.
When I tell Chris I'm down with my job and want to make a change, he always says. "Shit or get off the pot." Someday I'll convince myself that nothing will happen for me until I take that advice.