Sometimes events occur all at once. One moment things are calm and serene and the next complete chaos and madness erupts. That was my yesterday and this morning. Want the story? Well, here it is.
My mood and patience was fine and dandy up until my lunch hour at work. Then the inner walls of my happy little world started falling down. I usually eat at my desk and blog here or read a book during my lunch time. It's supposed to be my little break in the day. Still though, people transfer calls to me and come up to me for help or questions. "I know you are eating lunch but...."
It's not in my nature to be a bitch, but in my mind the expletives are vividly expressed. I've tried the diplomatic and "corporate" approach by stating that I was attempting to eat, please come back later. It works for a while, but never lasts.
Then later, after I picked up the children from my parents, I pulled into the drive and Bella began screaming in complete horror. I'm telling you, the sounds that came out of her mouth were more horrid than Jamie Lee Curtis in "Halloween". I immediately got her into the house before the neighbors called the police from all the noise and we then attempted to communicate with her and access the problem. She frantically pointed to her foot shaking and screaming and then after much sniffling and panting she said: "I got bit by a fire ant!". A fire ant? One little fire ant? Really? After a little TLC and stories of ant bites that both Chris and I had experienced as children, we finally got her calmed. Oy.
After that entertaining experience, my fun wasn't quite over yet for the evening. Kristjan decided it was a perfect time to go from pleasant to screaming tantrums without warning. He wanted to be held by me, which I happily obliged. A few minutes later when I attempted to put him down so that I could tackle dinner, the screaming resumed. He didn't want to eat, he didn't want to drink, just stomped and screamed. We placed him in his room until he calmed and then I thought it may be bath time. He usually really digs that. It wasn't the case, he continued to throw tantrums.
I grabbed a moment to update my status on Facebook. I commented on how my patience was withering fast. Twenty minutes later the doorbell rings and my good friend Kimberly was at the door with some fresh baked chocolate and craisin cookies. With her long blond hair blowing in the wind with a handful of cookies and a much needed hug, see seemed like an angel in the darkness for me. Her act of giving gave me that positive lift to get me through the night.
Chris and I poured a glass of wine, I completed dinner while Chris fed Kristjan his bottle (yes, still on it twice a day) and he finally calmed down enough to allow us to eat. After dinner we all enjoyed some of those delicious chocolate cookies and Kristjan finally settled down for bed.
Morning comes and with the roller coaster ready for more action. It began with me picking up Kristjan by his hands and wrists playfully to thinking I hurt him. He started crying while holding one arm and saying "Owie!". I began crying because I just hurt my child.
After dropping Bella off at daycare and realizing that Kristjan's arm was still bothering him I drove back home with him to pack a diaper bag before heading to the ER to check out his arm. Suddenly he started to use the arm freely without crying. He picked up some dinosaur toys and then proceeded to use that same arm to hoist himself up on the couch and said "Dinosaurs?".
I examine his arm again and realize that he's really fine. Back in the car we go; with his Spinosauraus in hand, back to daycare. He walks happily into the building before plopping down on his butt at the doorway of his classroom in a sudden screaming tantrum. I left him screaming and kicking in the arms of his teacher this morning. I'm sure he's fine now, but it kills me inside to see him like that. Days like this rehash that feeling of guilt of having to work instead of be home with my children while they are little.
I'll get through this and so will my children. I may have all my hair pulled out, but we'll get through this. In the grand scheme of things it's small in comparison. In the moment however, the screaming, the tantrums, the crying and the chaos takes its toll on me. Just as I'm sure it does every mother. I hope for a better evening. My angel can't come every time I need her.