You think about those you may leave behind and how it's too soon. You haven't seen or done enough in this life yet.
Perhaps the worry is silly, everything will be ok. Then what? Go back to being impatient? Not that you don't appreciate, but it's taken for granted. Daily. When you aren't present in the moment but always focused on the tasks to complete in the future. Always thinking ahead, leaves the present behind.
Then there is a clearing in the mind. Room for a little peace, no matter what the end results are.
You reevaluate your life and what is truly important. You weigh the petty anger you feel in aggravating circumstances. You realize that all you can do is try to help others and if they can't think beyond their closed mind...just let it go. You find out that it's senseless to rehash the past or be upset about the ghosts that have been. You realize your worth. Your importance of being. Not for yourself, but for your family and friends. Those whose lives depend on you or cherish your company.
You find that the most precious gift is health and life. To spend this life with your family and to soak in all of the moments you have. To live with your heart, without fear. If you live each moment with a full heart, you are truly living. If you eat the best food you know your body needs, you are truly trying. To be present with your children, to love them. You then know you are helping them grow and they know they are loved.
Sorry if I am confusing you. I am just so happy right now. I wasn't a few days ago as I had another bout of pancreatitis, being scared to my core, crying, doctor's visits, more doctor's visits, bloodwork, MRI and then results.
The results were good and all is fine now. I was given new instructions to go with that. Apparently my pancreas is so sensitive to alcohol I can now only drink about four times a year or wait three months after having a few drinks. That and I have to watch my protein intake. That's right. A vegan that was ingesting too much protein. How is that possible when I eat no meat? I thought that was a funny revelation.
During my scare, I felt fear, anger and then peace. It's a great feeling to know that the bugs in everyday life are just a nuisance. Work, money, price of gas, government woes, co-workers, traffic, etc. All really don't stress me out anymore. They are either beyond my control or not worth my health to fuss with. Just do your best, be calm and let it go...
All that truly matters to me is my health, my family and my dear friends.
I want to be here for them as long as I can. To love them, play with them and take care of them. Family and friends are truly a gift. They are your anchor and your peace. Love them.