Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Hidden in the shadows

Hidden in the shadows of Rex's legs....
My parents took Bella and Kris to Disney recently and love to visit the resorts for fun.  Besides, visiting the Disney resorts are also cost free (unless you hit the gift shops or food court). The kids had to give Rex a visit.

Zip the lip

I have a confession. 

I naturally tend to think of matters in my head on the pessimistic side of things or I can be a an opinionated fool.  I hate it.  It's a constant inner battle to "just be nice" about things and not be so judgmental. I don't just look at things in a rainbow bright kind of way. 

I can't decide whether I envy those people that proclaim how their lives are so fulfilling and perfect and are always speaking of inner peace and happiness or that I'm convinced it's all a show.  I have deleted or hidden facebook friends because I allowed their constant boasting posts to make me feel inadequate as a person. 

Then again, I know I shouldn't let these things get to me.  I'm happy for them that unicorns and pretty flowers shine on them daily and if it's all a show...it's none of my business anyway.

I suppose I should be waking up and thinking....."What a beautiful day, the sun is shining, everyone is healthy, I have a job, I have a good home, I am thankful for everything and look...there's a unicorn!" 

But I don't. Should I be?  Do people really do that?  

I of course love my children and husband and tell them so all the time and must squeeze them until they can't breathe every morning before I leave for work. 

And of course I'm thankful.  I just don't chant it all day or seem to remember it when that jerk pulls out in front of me in traffic or that unfair instance occurs at work to tick me off.  See!?  I'm easily ticked off.  What's up with that? 

I realize we all are about the same and we all have daily challenges. It's my grumpy troll of a mind that afflicts me and I have made a decision to discipline myself with silence if I experience a matter that causes me to see in a negative or judgemental light. 

So far at work...I haven't been speaking much at all because of it.  I've decided to zip the lip. 

If it's beyond my control, I must just let it be and just accept it.  Peacefully.

I try and be a good person on the outside, I want to be a good person on the inside too.

I have also decided I'll start saying to myself every morning when I wake up: "What a beautiful day, the sun is shining, everyone is healthy, I have a job, I have a good home and I am thankful for everything."

Maybe if I keep doing that every morning my judgemental and pessimistic mind will slowly disappear and I might even get to see that shiny unicorn.

Monday, January 28, 2013

You get more than second chances

I really have to consider myself lucky because I'm quite sure I've been given more than just a second chance at changing my life.  I sometimes get the hint the first time and change immediately and without much of a problem with some and with others I'm more stubborn or lazy about it and need a few kicks in the ass to get the message. 

Of course there were those that were beyond my control (such as a failed organ that needed to be removed) and I needed help.  It so helped.

Right now; at this very moment, I am doing ok and I am so happy about it.

So why do I feel so out of sorts?  I feel so tired still and it seems I just can't get back into a groove again.  I need to dust off my camera and use it, I need to make some new and post worthy foods, I need to reconnect with friends (Janet, I miss you!), I need to get out of the house, I need to get back on my regular exercise schedule and most of all get centered again (organized basically).

If I can just get started back up on one item, the others should fall back into place. The best way to stop feeling so tired is to exercise regularly - which I know doesn't sound right, but it's true.  I guess I need to slap myself around some and do it regardless of how chaotic my household is.

Let me jump out of myself and say that it's probably not as chaotic as my mind makes it seem.  I need to lighten up on life.  I'm so stiff....so square. 

I have to turn off that "I have so much to do, not enough time to do it but I'm so tired so I'll do it tomorrow" recording I keep replaying in my head.

So yes, I'm still here.  I just need to kick myself in the ass and get back to it before my lack of movement and motivation causes me to return to the dark side. I wish my pal Janet lived closer to me or I to her, so that she could give me a swift kick.  I need it.

Us!

 Just wanted to share some more recent pictures of us. 




 

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Gall Bladder

Hello everyone.  I also am a bit surprised to finally be back on here.  My absence was due to many events that took place in the last couple of months.

My last post featured our wonderful trip to New Jersey for the wedding and to visit with family.  I loved that visit.  Not just because I got to finally visit NYC for the first time, but because I had a great time visiting with family.

My only issue was my tummy pain.  Before, during and after that trip my pancreas pain was returning more often and at many moments I was truly frightened.  Upon our return I immediately visited my Gastro doc for help.  He ran blood work and I had another sonogram.  The sonogram looked ok, but my blood work showed my pancreas was inflamed again. In another effort to find the cause I had a HIDA scan done to test the activity of the gall bladder.

The scan showed that my gall bladder wasn't working at all and provided hope that finally we found the answer.  In November I had my gall bladder removed and found from the surgeon that there was also small stones or sludge within the organ.  This sludge along with a nonfunctional gall bladder probably caused the backup and clogging of the ducts leading into and out of the pancreas.  These small stones were obviously too small to have been noticed on my previous sonograms.

To think, that all this time it was my gall bladder. 

So now I have to get focused again.  I am feeling unorganized.  I must be a creature of habit because when I deviate from my schedule, I always stumble before getting completely back to it.  I'll get it handled.  One item at a time. 

One of my immediate items on my list to getting back on track is getting blood work done to see how the old pancreas enzymes are doing now.  Maybe to be able to enjoy a glass of wine again.  That would be nice.