I have a confession.
I naturally tend to think of matters in my head on the pessimistic side of things or I can be a an opinionated fool. I hate it. It's a constant inner battle to "just be nice" about things and not be so judgmental. I don't just look at things in a rainbow bright kind of way.
I can't decide whether I envy those people that proclaim how their lives are so fulfilling and perfect and are always speaking of inner peace and happiness or that I'm convinced it's all a show. I have deleted or hidden facebook friends because I allowed their constant boasting posts to make me feel inadequate as a person.
Then again, I know I shouldn't let these things get to me. I'm happy for them that unicorns and pretty flowers shine on them daily and if it's all a show...it's none of my business anyway.
I suppose I should be waking up and thinking....."What a beautiful day, the sun is shining, everyone is healthy, I have a job, I have a good home, I am thankful for everything and look...there's a unicorn!"
But I don't. Should I be? Do people really do that?
I of course love my children and husband and tell them so all the time and must squeeze them until they can't breathe every morning before I leave for work.
And of course I'm thankful. I just don't chant it all day or seem to remember it when that jerk pulls out in front of me in traffic or that unfair instance occurs at work to tick me off. See!? I'm easily ticked off. What's up with that?
I realize we all are about the same and we all have daily challenges. It's my grumpy troll of a mind that afflicts me and I have made a decision to discipline myself with silence if I experience a matter that causes me to see in a negative or judgemental light.
So far at work...I haven't been speaking much at all because of it. I've decided to zip the lip.
If it's beyond my control, I must just let it be and just accept it. Peacefully.
I try and be a good person on the outside, I want to be a good person on the inside too.
I have also decided I'll start saying to myself every morning when I wake up: "What a beautiful day, the sun is shining, everyone is healthy, I have a job, I have a good home and I am thankful for everything."
Maybe if I keep doing that every morning my judgemental and pessimistic mind will slowly disappear and I might even get to see that shiny unicorn.